Netflix

We’ve been using Netflix for at least six years. It is wonderful, for those of you who have never heard of it, it’s an online rental service for DVD’s through the mail. We order a movie online usually get it next day, watch it, and mail it back in its own postage paid envelope then the next movie in our queue is sent, our package allows for three DVD’s at a time. All this for $16.95 a month.

The only problem is my husband has set up a queue of movies that he thinks we would enjoy. Now keep in mind that Netflix has all the major movies as well as the not so major or who the hell even thought that anyone would even want to see this type of movie and guess where my husband always goes, for the what in the hell is this movie.

Now, first I’ll give him credit, we seen great movies like August Rush, Star Trek, Slumdog Millionaire, Australia and The Education of Little Tree.

The problem is movies like August Evening, good title so he rented it. We started watching it in Spanish; he restarted it to flip it into English, no can do so my husband figures it starts out in Spanish and then goes into English. Well anyway it’s about an undocumented worker on a chicken farm in Texas who with his (widowed) daughter in law tries to keep the family together. Well its taking place on a chicken farm, their not going to school so why is my husband assuming that at some point their going to start speaking in English. Thank goodness after 20 minutes he got the hint and I got to hit the ejecto button.

Soupy Sales wouldn’t watch him when I was younger so sure as heck I won’t watch him now.

Running with Scissors, this movie is about a woman (crazy lesbian) who decides that her adolescent son should be raised by unconventional (a sicko) psychiatrist. Halfway through this movie I wanted to run with scissors just to get it over with.

Is Anybody There? This one’s about a ten year old being raised in a nursing home run by his parents. Ok, its hard for me taking care of my eighty-five year old mother, how depressing to watch this poor ten year old living in a nursing home environment, I found myself yelling at the TV for him to run away.

Big Man Japan, a second rate-third generation superhero (Hitoshi Matsumoto) who causes noise and destruction on the job. After seeing this movie I wanted to close the border. If you want to see something like this movie only better watch Hancock with Will Smith.

Nacho Libre, the main character is named Ignacio he works as a cook in a Mexican monastery where he grew up, he tries to help the orphanage financially by disguising himself and joining a professional wrestling circuit. Totally ridiculous, my husband loved it but I guess he’s used to having a chubby, masked Mexican (me) running around.

Now both of us like biblical movies, and let’s face it Ben Hur, Ten Commandments, all the oldies, well by husband rented Moses starring Ben Kingsley. This is a different version of the old Ten Commandments starring Charleston Heston. Watching Ben Kingsley in the role of Moses was like watching Gabe Kaplan trying to free the people in the Bronx. I really tried to enjoy this one but no can do.

Well I need to remember this year’s resolution, keep an open mind to the ridiculous.

UP, UP AND AWAY UNITED, OOPS HAWAIIAN AIRLINES

Well, here we are again, booking a trip to Hawaii, but this time it’s just me and my hubby. For our fortieth wedding anniversary were going in May instead of August for two reasons it’s cheaper and less crowded.

Paul wanted to go back to Kona; his reasons are that we didn’t explore enough of the island last September. He’s been going through travel books looking for out of the way places to eat and explore. Ok, my husband doesn’t get it I’m plus size I don’t need to find more places to eat, and if I like to explore I wouldn’t be plus size.

Ok, I’m happy to be going to Kona, but Kona equals lava, lava everywhere. I really like Kauai and Maui but been there and done that, so Kona it is.

My husband is picking up vibes that I’m not as excited as he is, I am but there are a few things that are bothering me.

The AIRPORT SECURITY CHECK, ok the last trip I had to be patted down and will admit it was rather exciting, but now thanks to the idiot that tried to have fireworks in his shorts they are now going to x-ray everyone. Well, let’s face it plus sized people don’t want skinny non medical staff x-raying us. Hell, this is nonsense I don’t even layer clothing or wear jackets because I look bigger, so do you really think I would add an explosive device and detonator under my clothing, how would I set it off, any lit match or spark would be put out by my thighs, this is nonsense. So since I will have to go through the screening I want a copy for my doctor so I can avoid my next mammogram and pelvic exam.

Now the plane ride, five hours is a long time in a seat that is two sizes too small, thank goodness we were able to book seats on the side (side rows only sit two) so I won’t bother anyone, the web site says that seats can change prior to boarding and if ours do and I have to sit up close and personal with a stranger I will have a major breakdown.

The lavatory is such an ordeal lets see, go in side ways, suck it in to turn around, close the door, turn half way around drop your drawers and fall back. Done, not quite get up turn half way around to flush then half way again pull up your drawers, by this time you’ve hit the walls and door a few times the people standing outside the paper thin door are hearing what sounds like two sumo’s wrestling. Now wipe the sweat off your brow open the door smile and walk back to your seat.

The trip is booked we will be gone for a week, seven glorious days; the condo has a full kitchen and our own washer and dryer. Paul said we can pack light (3 pairs of socks, underwear etc.) and wash every other night. Well, this is a vacation if he thinks I’m packing light and washing every two or three days he’s sadly mistaken. He can wear his socks, and underwear, the next day he can turn them inside out and wear them again, this way we both win he can pack light and I won’t have to wash. (Just kidding, or am I?)

Since this trip is for our anniversary I’m going shopping, I want to look sexy and cute on the beach so I’m buying a couple of new thongs to wear on those sunny days in the sand. I don’t like wearing them because the strap chafes my skin and it hurts but I do want to look good. So thong shopping it is or I’ll be stuck wearing tennis shoes all day. 

Well, I’m still trying to diet (remember my New Years resolution) I’ll be happy even if it’s only a few pounds, so wish me luck!

Snap Out Of It

Ok, let’s get it over with this New Years Resolutions. I wasn’t even going to go do any this year, but I’m weak. I made resolutions to myself; I didn’t tell anyone else so there wouldn’t be any “I told you so”. But for those of you who really know me, I have no shame I will tell you everything. So I waited for January 19th, to publish this entry with my results.

First I need to snap out of it. Being in lockup 24/7, everyday the same thing, the same conversations it’s gotta stop, repetition in my life makes me wonder if I too, suffer from dementia.

Every morning I listen to Pandora (a free internet radio where you create your own personalized station, you enter a song or artist and a station is created just for you playing selections that are musically similar) it’s great. Well anyway I love the sounds of IL Divo and Josh Groban (IL Divo is a multinational operatic pop vocal group, they sing in English, Italian, Spanish, French and Latin, Josh Groban I would classify his music as a pop opera /classical) Anyway every morning I tune in and sing, while playing spider solitaire (I’m addicted).

Well this morning I keyed in something different a new station for the New Year. SANTANA. Yeah you heard me Santana. Now Santana plays a blend of rock, salsa and jazz.

I LOVED IT! Santana singing directly to me and the first song I heard was Black Magic Woman then Evil Ways I loved it, then Bob Marley, Eric Clapton on blues, yikes! Jimi Hendrix. This is so not like me I had to get up and look in the mirror. There I was singing my heart out in some cases up making up my own lyrics. I was so preoccupied with the music I lost seven straight games of spider solitaire.

Yes my blood is circulating, I’m pumped up, I’m alive, alive I say.

Mom came out quietly and had breakfast, I thing she’s a little scared the music, her daughter’s head spinning and singing about evil ways and someone called Black Magic Woman it might have been to much for her.

Second change Spider Solitaire; I’m going to stop resetting the statistics every time I lose. Starting today I will only reset in the morning. I will let my record stand whatever it is for the entire day.

Third, I will be starting a diet as soon as the three pound box of See’s is gone.

Fourth, no more lying about how my diet is going, that’s why I’m not starting until the candy is totally gone. Ok, the candy is now gone, so I’ll start soon.

Fifth, I need a hobby, while I love doing jigsaw puzzles I’m always losing pieces, maybe doing a mosaic, again too many pieces. Painting no talent, writing a blog (humor me) gardening (bugs). I know maybe dancing, in private just me and my music, it could be my version of Sweating to the Oldies (remember Richard Simmons?) It could be dangerous; I could end up knocking myself out trying to keep up with Jimi Hendrix.

Sixth, realize I need a vacation away from my mom, so I’ve started planning already (in my head) for my getaway. Alaska? Hawaii? Mount Rushmore? Anywhere I can afford, I would even settle for San Dimas, Cucamonga, Pasadena or El Monte.

Seventh, I will be more open minded to the Netflix movies my husband orders (this will be explained in a later entry).

Eighth, I will provide my mother shelter, food, water, if she eats, she eats and if she drinks, she drinks it will be her decision.

Nine and Ten, no arguing or hurt feelings, I will close my ears and no longer put value into the hurtful things my mom says.

Results;

I’m still listening to my new music, and considering dreadlocks.

I’m am no longer cheating or altering my statistics on spider solitaire.

Third, the See’s candy is gone and the diet is hit and miss,

Fourth, I’ve started another puzzle, but am planning to dance as soon as my knee stops hurting.

Fifth, I picked up new travel books at the Auto Club.

Sixth I watched another dumb movie (Hangover) with my husband and actually enjoyed it.

Resolution eight, letting my mom make her own decision about eating and drinking hasn’t worked out as well as I hoped she is barely getting enough to survive but as they say, “you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink”

Last but not least, ignoring my mom has worked she has not called me a name, complained or argued in over a week, when it seems like she’s going to lose it I flip the ignore button on and leave the room and now she struggles but manages to keep quiet.

So, Happy but not perfect New Years!