Archive for the 'Weight' Category

Dr. Oz Talks With Susanne Eman And Her Goal To Be The Fattest Woman In The World

Since taking care of my mother I’ve become somewhat of a shut in. I do crossword puzzles, go on the computer, watch TV anything to take up time.

When I watch TV during the day, I watch the various the judge shows, movies on Lifetime or Hallmark channel. I don’t like anything scary (living with mom is enough) once in a while I’m drawn to Dr. Oz. his show always has something that scares the hell out of me, whether it’s the Truth Tube, the germs in my purse, signs of diseases, he never fails to deliver.

Well, near the end of September I needed something to shake me up so Dr. Oz it was. His guest was Susanne Eman.

Susanne Eman, if I remember correctly weighs over 700lbs. her goal is to become the fattest woman in the world and her target weight is 1800 lbs. She walked out onto the stage without any assistance, no walker or cane. She was nice looking, cheery and agile.

She stated she had no health issues, her sugar, blood pressure and cholesterol are all were within normal limits. She stated she walks at least three to four times a week and when she gets the chance, enjoys swimming.

Okay, I’m thinking this lady has got to be stuck on stupid. There’s no way I’m buying she’s in perfect health, I found myself yelling at Dr. Oz to push her big behind to the “The Truth Tube.”

She’s not married, has two kids, I’m thinking her food bill must be the same as for Home Town Buffet. In fact they said she could sit at a buffet for over six hours yikes! Where’s her income coming from.

Apparently there are sickos out there I’ll call them chubby chasers that pay to watch obese people eat over the internet. Apparently she has a growing group of followers, she said since she’s going to eat anyway she might as well get paid. Two of her fans, nice looking young to middle aged men were in the audience, they were of normal weight. I’m confused what does seeing a fat women eating doing for them?

According to Dr. Oz watching obese people eat is the second biggest fetish in the country behind pornography. Where in the hell have I been?

Susanne went on to say she models clothes for larger women. Okay being plus size I applaud retailers who use plus size women as models as this allows us to see how clothes look since, one size does not necessarily fit all. But come on, how many women out there buying clothes are 700lbs. It would be like putting a car cover for a Smart car on a Hummer, let’s get real.

Dr. Oz showed some of her modeling tapes she appeared to be wearing a nightgown; she sat on a couch and swings her legs under her body, she moved as if she was size six. However, once she stopped moving and posed, her legs and arms were still jiggling. For a brief moment I thought I was watching an advertisement for Jell-O.

Her deal is she wants to teach people not to judge a book by its cover. When you see a fat person out in the street don’t assume their lazy and not contributing to society. Well, I for one don’t think people judge the contents of a book by its cover; however I do feel people will not pick up the book if the cover is big.

I don’t think eating until you’re the largest woman in the world is contributing to society. There has been many large people who have contributed to society; Santa Claus, Pavarotti, Oprah, Winston Churchill and Alfred Hitchcock they all contributed in their own way, they didn’t have to eat their way into the Guinness book of World Records and they didn’t have to diet to fit in.

In the end, her doctor said she’s playing Russian roulette with her life, but that she showed no problems yet. However, Dr. Oz put her numbers into the Truth Tube and told her she was a ticking time bomb.

Well this program scared me for a couple of reasons, for this young girl who is eating herself to death, for her kids who will lose their mother and for all us big girls because we don’t know who’s watching us.

But, on the plus side I did learn how to make extra cash for Christmas. As soon as my brownies have cooled and my roast is done, I’m getting into my nightgown and putting on the web cam.

Love Is In The Air

It started off in the air, when my husband handed me a Hoops & Yoyo card. For those of you who are not familiar with Hoops & Yoyo their a pair of animated characters on Hallmark cards that tend to yell and get overly excited. So in the air I open the card to be greeted by these characters talking fast and telling knock knock jokes, in the card my husband wrote Hau Oli La Makuahine Me Ke Aloha Pumeana, which he translated to Just for you with the warmth of my love, or at least that’s what we think means.

So picture this older handsome man with this older plus sized woman with the obnoxious card and seeing him give her a few loving kisses. I’m sure people were thinking maybe their a widow and widower who after all these years found love with each other. Little did they know that we’ve been together since we were fifteen and seventeen, what’s the old saying, “there may be snow on the roof, but there’s still fire in the furnace.” Well let’s just say Paul’s pilot light was on.

During the flight Paul would off and on hold my hand, rub my shoulders and would occasionally give me the smoochie face. While Paul has always been very loving and attentive he was being very touchy feely on the plane, was it just that we were finally alone or was it a ruse to throw everyone off in case I fell into the volcano this was a valid question, after all we’ve been together so long. But then I remembered I’ve always been a hot chick, so I just sat back and enjoyed all the attention.

Once we landed and started out on our little trips it finally dawned on me, all this attention was to make me feel guilty if I started to complain. Paul dragged my sorry ass everywhere and he did it in a way that I couldn’t say anything. Since I’m still using a cane he would drop me off and pick me up at all the entrances. He made sure there was always somewhere that I could sit, yes some would say a perfect gentleman or was he just smarter than me, he wasn’t giving me anything to complain about. Yes, he’s good.

But there was something he couldn’t change the humidity, finally something I could complain about. Humidity is hard on everyone, once you start sweating you’re uncomfortable and it affects everything especially when you’re plus size. My shirt was constantly damp and Paul was looking at me like I was in a wet t-shirt contest, I couldn’t win, this was our second honeymoon and nothing was going to ruin it.

Everyday we took a long drive; we ate in restaurants that received ono’s in the Ultimate Hawaii book. We saw Polynesian dancers, we listened to live slack key guitar and saw a children’s hula show. We saw very few geckos, enjoyed the mongoose at the brewery and on this trip saw no centipedes, we did have a wonderful time.

I know Dana was worried she kept saying she was too old for a new brother or sister, but that didn’t stop me I was still trying to get one of the dancers in my luggage.

Now were back home, my jeans are a little looser from all the sweating but I’m sure by the time I finish my glass of ice water I’ll plump right back up.
A hui hou. (See you later).

Zeltiq, Or Freeze Your Fat Away

I was watching TV the other night when a commercial for the eleven o’clock news came on saying there’s a new noninvasive procedure to freeze fat away. I’m interested so I TiVo’d it.

The procedure is called Zeltiq, it’s been approved for a variety of dermatologic applications, and it’s pending approval for fat cell reduction using Cryolipolysis.

They place a gel pack against the skin then using what feels like a vacuum they press against your skin, apparently when they cool the fat to a certain temperature for a certain length of time many of the fat cells die. Apparently the procedure is a precisely controlled cooling that only targets fat cells and not skin and other tissue. So here it is three simple steps; suck, freeze and die.

Interesting, so I Googled it.

Yes it works; it is expensive and recommended for those that are somewhat normal in weight with little pockets of fat not the extremely obese that have saddle bags or a twelve pack.

What a waste all the new ways to lose weight geared towards people who are within normal or acceptable weight to begin with.

Anyone within normal weight, who would pay for this procedure, should have their brain frozen and sucked out. Doctors are getting rich helping people who only have a few pounds to lose. I say leave these doctors alone until they fine tune this procedure for the people who really need it, the obese.

Realistically I cannot afford this procedure without giving up some of my hobbies like gas, food and electricity, but it would be nice if it was an option.

Everything now is promoted to lose weight fast, the easy way, pounds melt away, then you read the fine print and its for those who are overweight by five to ten pounds, or weight loss equipment that has a weight limit, what the hell it’s supposed to be for people who don’t have a weight limit, because their obese!

So, I’m taking control of my situation today, as soon as I finish the last Popsicle I’m going to sit in the freezer for a controlled length of time.
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Ill Fitting Shoes And Old People

Okay I haven’t written in some time because of stress, nothing has changed no real big problems only me just worrying about all the little issues that have been cropping up. So I may do a few shorter entries to catch up.

I haven’t written about my mom lately she’s been flying below my radar just a few instances of her diving into my sights for a hit now and then. But unfortunately all good things have to come to an end.

I’ve written in the past about my mom and weight issues, she has always been petite. I have always been as they say; big boned, thick, chunky, chubby or fat and this not only bothers her, it embarrasses her and lately she’s been coming up with ways to remind me I’m heavy.

I basically buy all her clothes; she in the past would go out shopping with my aunt Socorro. Now Socorro is very active and always looks nice so my mom would pick out clothes like hers, clothes that she would never wear, so with tags still on they just hang in her closet.

I buy dresses that are mid calf, tank top or short sleeved in earth tones, she has dressy to casual even Hawaiian prints, in extra small or petite small. She always wears a solid colored matching sweater. As far as shoes she wears slippers all day, and is now down to two pairs of Easy Spirit shoes that no longer fit.

So I’ve been shopping. I have ordered/bought shoes for her but the princess is never happy. Once size is to big the next one down to small. I’m frustrated it’s not like she’s going to dance or run a marathon, when we go anywhere that would involve her wearing shoes she’s in a wheelchair. I’m about ready to paint her feet black to give the illusion she’s wearing shoes.

Today Paul went out shopping and bought her a pair of size six, light weight MaryJane Danskin shoes, they are really cute. He gets a big Atta Boy!

“Mom, look Paul bought you a pair of shoes.”
“I don’t need him to buy me shoes.”
“Mom, as simple thank you would be nice.”
“Will they fit? They look big. What size are they?”
“There size six.”
“Size six, are you sure I wear a six, my feet are small and dainty.”
“You wear size six, like a million other people.”
“I’m not saying I have smaller feet than other people, but I am petite.”

So I put them on and she’s smiling.

“Nancy, you should get a pair, do they make them in your size?”
“I’m sure they do.”
“What size shoe do you wear?”
“I dunno.”
“You know what size you wear, what size is it?”
“Don’t worry mom I don’t need a pair their not my style.”

Here it comes;

Nancy, I know you have big feet, you’re big all over, what size do you wear?”

Now how stupid do you think I am, there’s no way in hell I’m going to say nine and half or ten. I know what will happen, she’ll say something hurtful like I didn’t even know women could have such big feet or do they make women’s shoes that large.

I just smile.

“Why won’t you tell me what size you wear, I won’t say anything.”
“Six and a half.”

What’s Up LA Times?

Okay its time to take on the big boys the “Los Angeles Times.” They recently had an article about children that are watched after school by their grandparents, are more likely to be heavier than children watched by their parents or other daycare providers.
Who in the hell are these people to make such a statement I would like to quote some of what was said but I was so angry I ate the paper.

Now I’m a typical grandparent who provides after school care for my (adorable) granddaughter. My day starts at 3:00 picking her up from school. Now I do feed Mackenzie after school because normally she doesn’t eat all her lunch, she is usually to busy talking or running around. I will admit to feeding her McDonalds, she likes the fish sandwich and apple slices or we go straight home where I make her soup, grilled cheese or she just snacks on fruit dried or fresh or veggies she loves veggies but to be totally honest I will get her an occasional slurpee.

Next we have homework, she so far has a list of about sixty reading words from school. Grandma has an additional list of eighty words she has learned, no slacker grandma here. Now depending on what day it is after homework, it’s either back into the car for cooking class (one day a week) Tae Kon Do (two times a week) T-ball (4 times a week) and dance (one day a week).

Now since she’s older (6 years old) and her parents work for a family business, and their boss whose name also starts with grandma looks the other way so daddy can manage the T-ball team and mommy and grandpa can coach while I maintain my status as locker room attendant and chauffer. Her daddy has been picking her up earlier to take her to Tae Kwon Do since there’s limited seating and it’s just to long of a class for me to stand.

Now on occasion when mom and dad have errands we play beauty shop, doctors, school or volley ball. On a typical week she averages maybe an hour of TV a week under grandma’s watch.

So LA Times you should retract your article because most grandparents now are in their fifties, were not sitting in rockers all day long, heck were probably more active than the person who sat behind the desk for eight hours who wrote the article.

Most grandparents have a vested interest to keep their grandchildren busy, active and out of trouble. I am offended to think that someone would say we sit our grandkids in front of the TV and stuff them all day long.

Maybe your next article should be about grandparents getting heavier since they are always sitting as spectators or chauffeuring their skinny grandkids to and fro.

How To Kill Yourself In Two Easy Steps

Sorry that I’ve been MIA but my knee went out and I went down for the count. Usually when this happens it takes about four days to be up again, but this time it’s different. It’s been a week and I still can’t walk, there’s no pain until I stand, it’s almost as if my brain subconsciously has a conversation with my knee;

“Where in the hell are you going?”
“I just need to get up.”
“Is it worth the pain I’ll be sending down to remind you something’s wrong.”
“No not really.”
“Do you really need to go to the bathroom or should you try to hold it a little longer?”
“I’ll hold it.”
“Is getting up to eat something worth it?”
“NO.”
(In fact I wasn’t eating because I couldn’t get to the kitchen).

I have a problem and I need a solution, finally the answer came to me, my dad’s walker and cane.

Now we’ve all seen the elderly using walkers, so it should be an easy solution. I figured I could use the walker to take some weight off my knee so I would experience less pain when walking.

Well there must be a secret class that the elderly take to learn how to use the walker without looking like a total spastic.

I could’ve killed myself. The walker has two wheels in front and legs in the back. My first mistake was trying to walk quietly (now I know why tennis balls are placed on the back legs) it sounded as if an RTD bus was making a fast stop in the dining room I was even leaving skid marks, so I decided instead of gliding like a gazelle I would pick the walker up place it one step ahead of me and walk into it. Well, since there’s warning sticker like on the visor in the car, I had to learn the hard way, put the legs down first not the wheels. Thank goodness the island in the kitchen stopped me and the walker before I became airborne.

Another mistake when you have to go, go. If you need to use the walker you’ll be walking much slower and if there’s a obstacle in the way (like the walker is wider than the bathroom door and your big ass and the walker have to go in sideways you just might and I repeat you just might not make it.).

So, instead of the walker I’ve decided to use the cane.

There is an art to using the cane you just can’t put it in your hand and miraculously know how to walk.

My first mistake was using the cane on the side of my injured leg. Second I was placing the cane out in front and walking towards it, both were wrong. Believe it or not I had to Google “How to use a cane.”

Here’s what I found; you have to hold the cane in the hand opposite the affected side so it can provide support to the affected leg. Advance the cane simultaneously with the affected leg. Lean your weight through the arm holding the cane as needed. Ok, for some reason I cannot hold the cane in my left hand and move it the same time that I move my right leg, I’m uncoordinated it’s just too hard.

So I kept Googling, and found out that 47,000 elderly are hurt in walker and cane mishaps every year. So in order to avoid being 47,001 I decided to take another route.

When I need to get around I hang onto the furniture, walls and anyone going in the same direction I want to go and its been working out fine, other than that I’ve been in bed.

Thanks to my son Chris bringing me some meds that will help with the pain and swelling I’m on the road to recovery and I’m doing much better, In fact I’m sitting in front of my computer going through fifty gazillion emails (thanks Roy) that are cheering me up.

So pray the meds keep working, it’s much better to be on the road to recovery than laying in the middle of the road praying for a fast ending.

UP, UP AND AWAY UNITED, OOPS HAWAIIAN AIRLINES

Well, here we are again, booking a trip to Hawaii, but this time it’s just me and my hubby. For our fortieth wedding anniversary were going in May instead of August for two reasons it’s cheaper and less crowded.

Paul wanted to go back to Kona; his reasons are that we didn’t explore enough of the island last September. He’s been going through travel books looking for out of the way places to eat and explore. Ok, my husband doesn’t get it I’m plus size I don’t need to find more places to eat, and if I like to explore I wouldn’t be plus size.

Ok, I’m happy to be going to Kona, but Kona equals lava, lava everywhere. I really like Kauai and Maui but been there and done that, so Kona it is.

My husband is picking up vibes that I’m not as excited as he is, I am but there are a few things that are bothering me.

The AIRPORT SECURITY CHECK, ok the last trip I had to be patted down and will admit it was rather exciting, but now thanks to the idiot that tried to have fireworks in his shorts they are now going to x-ray everyone. Well, let’s face it plus sized people don’t want skinny non medical staff x-raying us. Hell, this is nonsense I don’t even layer clothing or wear jackets because I look bigger, so do you really think I would add an explosive device and detonator under my clothing, how would I set it off, any lit match or spark would be put out by my thighs, this is nonsense. So since I will have to go through the screening I want a copy for my doctor so I can avoid my next mammogram and pelvic exam.

Now the plane ride, five hours is a long time in a seat that is two sizes too small, thank goodness we were able to book seats on the side (side rows only sit two) so I won’t bother anyone, the web site says that seats can change prior to boarding and if ours do and I have to sit up close and personal with a stranger I will have a major breakdown.

The lavatory is such an ordeal lets see, go in side ways, suck it in to turn around, close the door, turn half way around drop your drawers and fall back. Done, not quite get up turn half way around to flush then half way again pull up your drawers, by this time you’ve hit the walls and door a few times the people standing outside the paper thin door are hearing what sounds like two sumo’s wrestling. Now wipe the sweat off your brow open the door smile and walk back to your seat.

The trip is booked we will be gone for a week, seven glorious days; the condo has a full kitchen and our own washer and dryer. Paul said we can pack light (3 pairs of socks, underwear etc.) and wash every other night. Well, this is a vacation if he thinks I’m packing light and washing every two or three days he’s sadly mistaken. He can wear his socks, and underwear, the next day he can turn them inside out and wear them again, this way we both win he can pack light and I won’t have to wash. (Just kidding, or am I?)

Since this trip is for our anniversary I’m going shopping, I want to look sexy and cute on the beach so I’m buying a couple of new thongs to wear on those sunny days in the sand. I don’t like wearing them because the strap chafes my skin and it hurts but I do want to look good. So thong shopping it is or I’ll be stuck wearing tennis shoes all day. 

Well, I’m still trying to diet (remember my New Years resolution) I’ll be happy even if it’s only a few pounds, so wish me luck!


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