Posts Tagged 'fitness'

Dr. Oz Talks With Susanne Eman And Her Goal To Be The Fattest Woman In The World

Since taking care of my mother I’ve become somewhat of a shut in. I do crossword puzzles, go on the computer, watch TV anything to take up time.

When I watch TV during the day, I watch the various the judge shows, movies on Lifetime or Hallmark channel. I don’t like anything scary (living with mom is enough) once in a while I’m drawn to Dr. Oz. his show always has something that scares the hell out of me, whether it’s the Truth Tube, the germs in my purse, signs of diseases, he never fails to deliver.

Well, near the end of September I needed something to shake me up so Dr. Oz it was. His guest was Susanne Eman.

Susanne Eman, if I remember correctly weighs over 700lbs. her goal is to become the fattest woman in the world and her target weight is 1800 lbs. She walked out onto the stage without any assistance, no walker or cane. She was nice looking, cheery and agile.

She stated she had no health issues, her sugar, blood pressure and cholesterol are all were within normal limits. She stated she walks at least three to four times a week and when she gets the chance, enjoys swimming.

Okay, I’m thinking this lady has got to be stuck on stupid. There’s no way I’m buying she’s in perfect health, I found myself yelling at Dr. Oz to push her big behind to the “The Truth Tube.”

She’s not married, has two kids, I’m thinking her food bill must be the same as for Home Town Buffet. In fact they said she could sit at a buffet for over six hours yikes! Where’s her income coming from.

Apparently there are sickos out there I’ll call them chubby chasers that pay to watch obese people eat over the internet. Apparently she has a growing group of followers, she said since she’s going to eat anyway she might as well get paid. Two of her fans, nice looking young to middle aged men were in the audience, they were of normal weight. I’m confused what does seeing a fat women eating doing for them?

According to Dr. Oz watching obese people eat is the second biggest fetish in the country behind pornography. Where in the hell have I been?

Susanne went on to say she models clothes for larger women. Okay being plus size I applaud retailers who use plus size women as models as this allows us to see how clothes look since, one size does not necessarily fit all. But come on, how many women out there buying clothes are 700lbs. It would be like putting a car cover for a Smart car on a Hummer, let’s get real.

Dr. Oz showed some of her modeling tapes she appeared to be wearing a nightgown; she sat on a couch and swings her legs under her body, she moved as if she was size six. However, once she stopped moving and posed, her legs and arms were still jiggling. For a brief moment I thought I was watching an advertisement for Jell-O.

Her deal is she wants to teach people not to judge a book by its cover. When you see a fat person out in the street don’t assume their lazy and not contributing to society. Well, I for one don’t think people judge the contents of a book by its cover; however I do feel people will not pick up the book if the cover is big.

I don’t think eating until you’re the largest woman in the world is contributing to society. There has been many large people who have contributed to society; Santa Claus, Pavarotti, Oprah, Winston Churchill and Alfred Hitchcock they all contributed in their own way, they didn’t have to eat their way into the Guinness book of World Records and they didn’t have to diet to fit in.

In the end, her doctor said she’s playing Russian roulette with her life, but that she showed no problems yet. However, Dr. Oz put her numbers into the Truth Tube and told her she was a ticking time bomb.

Well this program scared me for a couple of reasons, for this young girl who is eating herself to death, for her kids who will lose their mother and for all us big girls because we don’t know who’s watching us.

But, on the plus side I did learn how to make extra cash for Christmas. As soon as my brownies have cooled and my roast is done, I’m getting into my nightgown and putting on the web cam.


Zeltiq, Or Freeze Your Fat Away

I was watching TV the other night when a commercial for the eleven o’clock news came on saying there’s a new noninvasive procedure to freeze fat away. I’m interested so I TiVo’d it.

The procedure is called Zeltiq, it’s been approved for a variety of dermatologic applications, and it’s pending approval for fat cell reduction using Cryolipolysis.

They place a gel pack against the skin then using what feels like a vacuum they press against your skin, apparently when they cool the fat to a certain temperature for a certain length of time many of the fat cells die. Apparently the procedure is a precisely controlled cooling that only targets fat cells and not skin and other tissue. So here it is three simple steps; suck, freeze and die.

Interesting, so I Googled it.

Yes it works; it is expensive and recommended for those that are somewhat normal in weight with little pockets of fat not the extremely obese that have saddle bags or a twelve pack.

What a waste all the new ways to lose weight geared towards people who are within normal or acceptable weight to begin with.

Anyone within normal weight, who would pay for this procedure, should have their brain frozen and sucked out. Doctors are getting rich helping people who only have a few pounds to lose. I say leave these doctors alone until they fine tune this procedure for the people who really need it, the obese.

Realistically I cannot afford this procedure without giving up some of my hobbies like gas, food and electricity, but it would be nice if it was an option.

Everything now is promoted to lose weight fast, the easy way, pounds melt away, then you read the fine print and its for those who are overweight by five to ten pounds, or weight loss equipment that has a weight limit, what the hell it’s supposed to be for people who don’t have a weight limit, because their obese!

So, I’m taking control of my situation today, as soon as I finish the last Popsicle I’m going to sit in the freezer for a controlled length of time.

What’s Up LA Times?

Okay its time to take on the big boys the “Los Angeles Times.” They recently had an article about children that are watched after school by their grandparents, are more likely to be heavier than children watched by their parents or other daycare providers.
Who in the hell are these people to make such a statement I would like to quote some of what was said but I was so angry I ate the paper.

Now I’m a typical grandparent who provides after school care for my (adorable) granddaughter. My day starts at 3:00 picking her up from school. Now I do feed Mackenzie after school because normally she doesn’t eat all her lunch, she is usually to busy talking or running around. I will admit to feeding her McDonalds, she likes the fish sandwich and apple slices or we go straight home where I make her soup, grilled cheese or she just snacks on fruit dried or fresh or veggies she loves veggies but to be totally honest I will get her an occasional slurpee.

Next we have homework, she so far has a list of about sixty reading words from school. Grandma has an additional list of eighty words she has learned, no slacker grandma here. Now depending on what day it is after homework, it’s either back into the car for cooking class (one day a week) Tae Kon Do (two times a week) T-ball (4 times a week) and dance (one day a week).

Now since she’s older (6 years old) and her parents work for a family business, and their boss whose name also starts with grandma looks the other way so daddy can manage the T-ball team and mommy and grandpa can coach while I maintain my status as locker room attendant and chauffer. Her daddy has been picking her up earlier to take her to Tae Kwon Do since there’s limited seating and it’s just to long of a class for me to stand.

Now on occasion when mom and dad have errands we play beauty shop, doctors, school or volley ball. On a typical week she averages maybe an hour of TV a week under grandma’s watch.

So LA Times you should retract your article because most grandparents now are in their fifties, were not sitting in rockers all day long, heck were probably more active than the person who sat behind the desk for eight hours who wrote the article.

Most grandparents have a vested interest to keep their grandchildren busy, active and out of trouble. I am offended to think that someone would say we sit our grandkids in front of the TV and stuff them all day long.

Maybe your next article should be about grandparents getting heavier since they are always sitting as spectators or chauffeuring their skinny grandkids to and fro.

Snap Out Of It

Ok, let’s get it over with this New Years Resolutions. I wasn’t even going to go do any this year, but I’m weak. I made resolutions to myself; I didn’t tell anyone else so there wouldn’t be any “I told you so”. But for those of you who really know me, I have no shame I will tell you everything. So I waited for January 19th, to publish this entry with my results.

First I need to snap out of it. Being in lockup 24/7, everyday the same thing, the same conversations it’s gotta stop, repetition in my life makes me wonder if I too, suffer from dementia.

Every morning I listen to Pandora (a free internet radio where you create your own personalized station, you enter a song or artist and a station is created just for you playing selections that are musically similar) it’s great. Well anyway I love the sounds of IL Divo and Josh Groban (IL Divo is a multinational operatic pop vocal group, they sing in English, Italian, Spanish, French and Latin, Josh Groban I would classify his music as a pop opera /classical) Anyway every morning I tune in and sing, while playing spider solitaire (I’m addicted).

Well this morning I keyed in something different a new station for the New Year. SANTANA. Yeah you heard me Santana. Now Santana plays a blend of rock, salsa and jazz.

I LOVED IT! Santana singing directly to me and the first song I heard was Black Magic Woman then Evil Ways I loved it, then Bob Marley, Eric Clapton on blues, yikes! Jimi Hendrix. This is so not like me I had to get up and look in the mirror. There I was singing my heart out in some cases up making up my own lyrics. I was so preoccupied with the music I lost seven straight games of spider solitaire.

Yes my blood is circulating, I’m pumped up, I’m alive, alive I say.

Mom came out quietly and had breakfast, I thing she’s a little scared the music, her daughter’s head spinning and singing about evil ways and someone called Black Magic Woman it might have been to much for her.

Second change Spider Solitaire; I’m going to stop resetting the statistics every time I lose. Starting today I will only reset in the morning. I will let my record stand whatever it is for the entire day.

Third, I will be starting a diet as soon as the three pound box of See’s is gone.

Fourth, no more lying about how my diet is going, that’s why I’m not starting until the candy is totally gone. Ok, the candy is now gone, so I’ll start soon.

Fifth, I need a hobby, while I love doing jigsaw puzzles I’m always losing pieces, maybe doing a mosaic, again too many pieces. Painting no talent, writing a blog (humor me) gardening (bugs). I know maybe dancing, in private just me and my music, it could be my version of Sweating to the Oldies (remember Richard Simmons?) It could be dangerous; I could end up knocking myself out trying to keep up with Jimi Hendrix.

Sixth, realize I need a vacation away from my mom, so I’ve started planning already (in my head) for my getaway. Alaska? Hawaii? Mount Rushmore? Anywhere I can afford, I would even settle for San Dimas, Cucamonga, Pasadena or El Monte.

Seventh, I will be more open minded to the Netflix movies my husband orders (this will be explained in a later entry).

Eighth, I will provide my mother shelter, food, water, if she eats, she eats and if she drinks, she drinks it will be her decision.

Nine and Ten, no arguing or hurt feelings, I will close my ears and no longer put value into the hurtful things my mom says.


I’m still listening to my new music, and considering dreadlocks.

I’m am no longer cheating or altering my statistics on spider solitaire.

Third, the See’s candy is gone and the diet is hit and miss,

Fourth, I’ve started another puzzle, but am planning to dance as soon as my knee stops hurting.

Fifth, I picked up new travel books at the Auto Club.

Sixth I watched another dumb movie (Hangover) with my husband and actually enjoyed it.

Resolution eight, letting my mom make her own decision about eating and drinking hasn’t worked out as well as I hoped she is barely getting enough to survive but as they say, “you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink”

Last but not least, ignoring my mom has worked she has not called me a name, complained or argued in over a week, when it seems like she’s going to lose it I flip the ignore button on and leave the room and now she struggles but manages to keep quiet.

So, Happy but not perfect New Years!

What Happened?


If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?” is a philosophical riddle that raises questions regarding observation and knowledge of reality. 

My question is, if you’re in the same room as your wife, and she falls do you hear, see or feel it? Apparently not. 

Since we’ve been back from Hawaii, I’ve fallen twice. The first time was in the family room which is open to the kitchen. My husband was at the sink about twenty feet away from me I got up and tripped, down I went like a ton of bricks, when I landed I was directly in front on him about ten feet away. I swear when I hit the ground I bounced. 

I knew I was going down; nothing I could do to prevent it, first there was a rush of air, then a thud. I looked up and my husband said; 

“What happened?”  
“What, do you mean what happened?”
“Did, you trip?”
(No, I just felt like getting up and throwing myself to the ground.)
“Yes, Paul I tripped.”
“Can I help you get up?”
“No, let me just lay here so I can see if the vacuum is doing a good job.” 

Well, I was fine, nothing broken, just a little embarrassed. 

About a week later, I decided to mop the kitchen floor, something that my husband always does for me. Now remember I’m plus size and have bad knees. My husband said he’d do it, but I don’t know why I kept mopping. I guess in one spot I had a little too much water and my foot hit the spot and down I went. This time Paul was only a few feet away from me, but it happened so fast I couldn’t reach over and take him down with me; oops I mean I couldn’t hold on. It felt like slow and fast motion all at the same time. 

I actually felt graceful, while I was doing the splits, my torso was in a half turn, like a ballerina in flight, arms in the air over my head, I must have looked beautiful. Then the thud. Again; 

“What happened?”  
“What, do you mean what happened, didn’t you see me fall?”
“Did you see and hear me hit the kitchen floor?”
“Then why are you asking me?”
“I dunno, oh now, I see what happen you slipped in the water.”
“Are you sure its water? I might have sprung a leak.”
“No, it’s water.”

So, here’s my answer;

 “If a tree falls in a forest (or your wife in the house) and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?” Yes, not only is there sound, there is movement in the air and on the ground. However, my question is if someone is present when the tree or wife falls, will they always ask “What happened?”

Dr Oz, Again

I’ve written two entries about Dr. Oz, “Living Longer” in April 2009, and “The Hour by Hour Commitment” back in August of 2008, If you remember both times he’s scared the hell out of me. Since then it’s been no more Dr. Oz.  

Well, now he has his own show, I wasn’t going to watch it, but it’s like when you pass a train wreck, no matter how hard you try not to look you still do. So I checked it out on the internet, it says Dr. Oz kicks off a daily show that’s all about YOU. Shit he’s after me again. 

The first episode he follows a viewer who frequents fast food three times a day, six days a week. He puts her in the truth tube which lists her weight, blood pressure, LDL level and her chronological age compared to her real age (which is what her body thinks it is). In her case she was twenty-nine, her body was thirty-five. Yikes. My LDL level and blood pressure are better than hers, but my weight and BMI are worse. My age is is fifty-six but I’ll assume my real body age is somewhere around ninety-three, I knew I shouldn’t have watched this damn show.  

He also talked about good sex, he had a man and woman from the audience place circles (I guess to represent bull’s eye’s) on cutouts of the opposite sex, where they thought the other sex’s erogenous zones were. By using the circles on the cutouts you and your partner can talk about what each other needs. Oh, brother, just open your mouth and tell your spouse what you need, if you can’t be direct make a game out of it, your getting warmer, now your getting cold, warm, cold get the idea?  

Something else I learned, was the erogenous zones on a man, they were; the brain, lips, perineum, and down south. For the woman it’s the brain, feet, belly button and G-spot. For me it’s; MacDonald’s, In & Out or Burger King, a good dessert and a Netflix movie. 

Another thing they talked about was purses. He picked three women from the audience and analyzed their purses for germs. Gross, they found germs and fungus that can cause asthma, meningitis, even fecal contaminates. Starting today, no more purses, I’m using a fresh plastic grocery bag every day to carry my wallet, keys and makeup. Everything from now on will be disposable. 

Oh my husband just called he’ll be home early, if I have money (I’ll check my plastic bag) we’ll get take out for dinner, I didn’t tell him the mailman just delivered a new Netflix movie, so I guess someone’s getting lucky later.

Pole Dancing

Mackenzie’s T-Ball games have been on Wednesdays at five, or Saturdays at nine. Last week her game was on Saturday at ten, I was surprised for a later game we had less parents in the bleachers. I later found out some were working the snack bar.

Thank God. 

My son Chris acts as the catcher for the team. The way it works, is the coach pitches to the kids, if they are unable to hit the ball after five throws, my son pulls out the T stand so the kids can get a hit.

Now my son Chris wears shorts three hundred and sixty-five days a year. He retires only the ones with holes. Most of them will eventually come my way to have a button that’s dangling or has popped off sewn back on. 

Except the pair he was wearing last Saturday. 

It was the third inning; a kid had just hit the ball and was running to first. I looked back and saw my son pole dancing, or I guess it would have been called T-Ball dancing. I was shocked. I couldn’t say anything, my daughter Dana saw my face and looked in the direction of her husband; all I heard was “what the heck.” 

When it dawned on me what had happened, I couldn’t stop laughing. Apparently when he bent down to pick up the ball, his button popped. Since he has recently lost about twenty pounds, without the button his pants started to fall off. He grabbed his pants with both hands one in front because his zipper was going south, and the other holding his pants up on the side. While this was happening he was stepping back into the T-Ball stand. So, what we saw was a thirty-nine year old, wiggling, giggling, with the plastic pole poking his behind. 

When my daughter Dana married him fourteen years ago, he became my son. He knows how I feel about him. I have never called him “in-law.” But last Saturday, seeing him on the field, just for an instant I wanted to stand up and yell. The dancer is my son by marriage”.

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