Aloha From The Mainland

Were back from Hawaii, and one week just wasn’t enough. I had such a wonderful time and have so much to say, lets start with the plane ride.

We arrived at LAX at 7:30am, not to many people; we were second in line at the check in counter. Our first contact was Al;

“Do you have your tickets?”
“I have this.”
“Is it your tickets?”
“It’s a print out of our information.”
“Is it your ticket?”

Okay this isn’t going to be easy this Hawaiian wants an answer and this Mexican doesn’t know the answer.

“Look, I’m a newbie we usually travel with our kids I don’t know if I have our tickets I have this paper.”

Finally he cracks a smile and takes my paper no it wasn’t our tickets but he’ll help us and check us all the way through.

Then it happened the first of four interruptions. She was a small built woman maybe one hundred pounds. She looked like her hair hadn’t been washed in days, she was wearing tan jeans with a black belt that had a buckle wider than she was. No joke she was so skinny her belt hung down from the buckle at least ten inches. Her eyes were red and she reeked of liquor.

She walked up to the counter with her good friend, Jack Daniels yes a 1.75 liter of Tennessee whiskey, totally ignoring us started talking to our agent Al.

“Can I carry this on the plane?”
“No, it has to be in your luggage.”
“My luggage is already checked through.”
“Miss, I’m helping these people, you need to wait.”She walked away only to return.

“Can I take this on in a bag?”
“Miss, it needs to be checked in.”
“It’s a gift for my dad.”
“Miss I need to finish with these people before I can help you.”

Al was checking our ids, when again she returned.

“Do you have a bag?”
“Miss you have to wait.”

He’s handing us our tickets when she comes back, only now the bottle is one third gone and she leaves it on the counter.

We walked up to security only to find out in the confusion of answering that woman’s questions that Al made an error on our tickets so leaving me at security Paul went back to get our boarding passes corrected.

Finally, on the plane who is sitting up ahead of us, yes its our friend, she must have thought she was an employee for the airlines because she was in the flight attendants area most of the time in the air. I counted seven cokes, two cups of tea, four cups of coffee, three snack bags and the in-flight meal. Let’s not forget her numerous trips to the bathroom.

However, it made me forget that I hate to fly.

Our interisland flights and our flight home were a breeze.

The differences between United Airlines and Hawaiian were huge. On United you get a free snack and the opportunity to purchase a meal and with Hawaiian, the meal along with the snack is free. The seats on Hawaiian are more comfortable and it’s seemed like we had more leg room and even though we weren’t on a wide body this wide body could tell the difference.

So, we are planning to go back to Hawaii next year for a longer time, Me, Paul and Jack Daniel’s.

UP, UP AND AWAY UNITED, OOPS HAWAIIAN AIRLINES

Well, here we are again, booking a trip to Hawaii, but this time it’s just me and my hubby. For our fortieth wedding anniversary were going in May instead of August for two reasons it’s cheaper and less crowded.

Paul wanted to go back to Kona; his reasons are that we didn’t explore enough of the island last September. He’s been going through travel books looking for out of the way places to eat and explore. Ok, my husband doesn’t get it I’m plus size I don’t need to find more places to eat, and if I like to explore I wouldn’t be plus size.

Ok, I’m happy to be going to Kona, but Kona equals lava, lava everywhere. I really like Kauai and Maui but been there and done that, so Kona it is.

My husband is picking up vibes that I’m not as excited as he is, I am but there are a few things that are bothering me.

The AIRPORT SECURITY CHECK, ok the last trip I had to be patted down and will admit it was rather exciting, but now thanks to the idiot that tried to have fireworks in his shorts they are now going to x-ray everyone. Well, let’s face it plus sized people don’t want skinny non medical staff x-raying us. Hell, this is nonsense I don’t even layer clothing or wear jackets because I look bigger, so do you really think I would add an explosive device and detonator under my clothing, how would I set it off, any lit match or spark would be put out by my thighs, this is nonsense. So since I will have to go through the screening I want a copy for my doctor so I can avoid my next mammogram and pelvic exam.

Now the plane ride, five hours is a long time in a seat that is two sizes too small, thank goodness we were able to book seats on the side (side rows only sit two) so I won’t bother anyone, the web site says that seats can change prior to boarding and if ours do and I have to sit up close and personal with a stranger I will have a major breakdown.

The lavatory is such an ordeal lets see, go in side ways, suck it in to turn around, close the door, turn half way around drop your drawers and fall back. Done, not quite get up turn half way around to flush then half way again pull up your drawers, by this time you’ve hit the walls and door a few times the people standing outside the paper thin door are hearing what sounds like two sumo’s wrestling. Now wipe the sweat off your brow open the door smile and walk back to your seat.

The trip is booked we will be gone for a week, seven glorious days; the condo has a full kitchen and our own washer and dryer. Paul said we can pack light (3 pairs of socks, underwear etc.) and wash every other night. Well, this is a vacation if he thinks I’m packing light and washing every two or three days he’s sadly mistaken. He can wear his socks, and underwear, the next day he can turn them inside out and wear them again, this way we both win he can pack light and I won’t have to wash. (Just kidding, or am I?)

Since this trip is for our anniversary I’m going shopping, I want to look sexy and cute on the beach so I’m buying a couple of new thongs to wear on those sunny days in the sand. I don’t like wearing them because the strap chafes my skin and it hurts but I do want to look good. So thong shopping it is or I’ll be stuck wearing tennis shoes all day. 

Well, I’m still trying to diet (remember my New Years resolution) I’ll be happy even if it’s only a few pounds, so wish me luck!

Airplanes 2, The Sequel

A senior moment, there’s three things I forgot to put in my Airplane entry.

First, I triggered Security in Honolulu, unbelievable I wore a blouse that I got for seven bucks at Fashion Bug, and it almost cost me seven years behind bars. 

When I find a blouse I like I buy it in several colors and they all went with me to Hawaii however after the incident while catching a connecting flight in Honolulu they stayed in the suitcase. The blouse has a decorative buckle and it set off the alarm, so they pulled me aside and used the wand. I guess at that time the rivets on my jeans started to act up and cause trouble. So they had to pat me down. So there I stood arms outstretched while this woman explained she needed to pat me down, it seemed like fondling, I haven’t been touched like that in sometime. It got to a point where I began to enjoy it and was just about ready to ask her out for a drink when I heard my husband say “put your arms down their done.” Oh well, I’ll never see the people I held up in line again so it didn’t bother me.

The second thing I forgot  was on our flight back, there was a family travelling with their two young children. Now I realize we have been very fortunate with our granddaughter, she has been traveling since nine months old, having been in other countries forty-one times. She has been in flights up to twelve hours, and has never cried or caused any inconvenience to her parents or other travelers. We realize it’s hard for people with children that have not been accustomed to frequent traveling. 

Well this family’s two children cried solid for four and a half hours, they made no attempt to calm their children, no attempt to pop their ears by either holding their noses and having them blow,  nor did they give them bottle or gum. They did however let them from time to time stand in the aisle to cry, they also let them kick the seats in front of them, my poor son and daughter in law suffered through this the entire flight. To make matter worse their son apparently threw up and all the parents did was wipe his shirt, Dana could smell it one row up and across. The only thing my son and Muriel said was they did hear the father say; “Maybe we should start disciplining them.” Hello? 

The third thing I forgot was the movie Museum 2, the flight attendants were selling earplugs and I thought  this would help block out the crying, and make the time go faster. When the movie started everyone is talking in Spanish, no problem I’ve seen movies before when they start out in a foreign language, but after twenty minutes and still no English I’m getting frustrated and losing my patience. My family apparently was able to understand they were all smiling and chuckling, it was ridiculous, no sub titles nothing. I took off the earplugs stared a hole through the side of my husbands head. Once he acknowledged me, I asked him, “how in the hell are you understanding what’s going on when their talking in Spanish?” He didn’t answer just leaned over and changed the channel. 

I need to get out more.