Posts Tagged 'Food'

Dr. Oz Talks With Susanne Eman And Her Goal To Be The Fattest Woman In The World

Since taking care of my mother I’ve become somewhat of a shut in. I do crossword puzzles, go on the computer, watch TV anything to take up time.

When I watch TV during the day, I watch the various the judge shows, movies on Lifetime or Hallmark channel. I don’t like anything scary (living with mom is enough) once in a while I’m drawn to Dr. Oz. his show always has something that scares the hell out of me, whether it’s the Truth Tube, the germs in my purse, signs of diseases, he never fails to deliver.

Well, near the end of September I needed something to shake me up so Dr. Oz it was. His guest was Susanne Eman.

Susanne Eman, if I remember correctly weighs over 700lbs. her goal is to become the fattest woman in the world and her target weight is 1800 lbs. She walked out onto the stage without any assistance, no walker or cane. She was nice looking, cheery and agile.

She stated she had no health issues, her sugar, blood pressure and cholesterol are all were within normal limits. She stated she walks at least three to four times a week and when she gets the chance, enjoys swimming.

Okay, I’m thinking this lady has got to be stuck on stupid. There’s no way I’m buying she’s in perfect health, I found myself yelling at Dr. Oz to push her big behind to the “The Truth Tube.”

She’s not married, has two kids, I’m thinking her food bill must be the same as for Home Town Buffet. In fact they said she could sit at a buffet for over six hours yikes! Where’s her income coming from.

Apparently there are sickos out there I’ll call them chubby chasers that pay to watch obese people eat over the internet. Apparently she has a growing group of followers, she said since she’s going to eat anyway she might as well get paid. Two of her fans, nice looking young to middle aged men were in the audience, they were of normal weight. I’m confused what does seeing a fat women eating doing for them?

According to Dr. Oz watching obese people eat is the second biggest fetish in the country behind pornography. Where in the hell have I been?

Susanne went on to say she models clothes for larger women. Okay being plus size I applaud retailers who use plus size women as models as this allows us to see how clothes look since, one size does not necessarily fit all. But come on, how many women out there buying clothes are 700lbs. It would be like putting a car cover for a Smart car on a Hummer, let’s get real.

Dr. Oz showed some of her modeling tapes she appeared to be wearing a nightgown; she sat on a couch and swings her legs under her body, she moved as if she was size six. However, once she stopped moving and posed, her legs and arms were still jiggling. For a brief moment I thought I was watching an advertisement for Jell-O.

Her deal is she wants to teach people not to judge a book by its cover. When you see a fat person out in the street don’t assume their lazy and not contributing to society. Well, I for one don’t think people judge the contents of a book by its cover; however I do feel people will not pick up the book if the cover is big.

I don’t think eating until you’re the largest woman in the world is contributing to society. There has been many large people who have contributed to society; Santa Claus, Pavarotti, Oprah, Winston Churchill and Alfred Hitchcock they all contributed in their own way, they didn’t have to eat their way into the Guinness book of World Records and they didn’t have to diet to fit in.

In the end, her doctor said she’s playing Russian roulette with her life, but that she showed no problems yet. However, Dr. Oz put her numbers into the Truth Tube and told her she was a ticking time bomb.

Well this program scared me for a couple of reasons, for this young girl who is eating herself to death, for her kids who will lose their mother and for all us big girls because we don’t know who’s watching us.

But, on the plus side I did learn how to make extra cash for Christmas. As soon as my brownies have cooled and my roast is done, I’m getting into my nightgown and putting on the web cam.

The Second Time Around

A few of my husband’s friends who are also retired occasionally meet for breakfast. Paul and I are the youngest in the group. There are two other married couples, a newly married friend who has been unable to come due to illness and a widower named Warren. My blog today is about Warren, and his new love Betty.

Now Warren is the life of the party, always joking and always flirting, which I enjoy because l really like him. Well last year he reconnected with “the one that got away,” his first wife Betty.

Paul met Betty a few months ago when Warren was in the hospital. When he came home I started in on him

“Was she pretty?”
“She’s nice looking.”
“That’s not what I asked, is she pretty?”
“I didn’t notice because I was busy talking with her and Warren.”
“So your answer is really yes, she is pretty you just don’t want to get into trouble by noticing another pretty woman.”
“No, I really didn’t notice, but she is really nice and easy to talk to.”
“Right.”
 

So a few months later, Warren is up and around and we made plans to get together for breakfast, as luck would have it no other couple was able to make it so it ended up being just us, Warren and the other woman Betty.

They pulled up outside the restaurant just before us, I was nervous after all I would no longer have Warren’s attention. Questions were going through my mind, is she thin? Is she really as nice as Paul said, is she going to fit in the group? Will this be the end of all of us getting together?

Well, they got out of the car, she was thin, about my height, thin, wearing shorts, and did I say thin.

I greeted Warren with a hug and kiss, secretly wanting to strangle him, couldn’t he have found someone who looked like a grandmother, I turned to Betty and we greeted each other with a hug.

When they walked into the restaurant they were holding hands, when Warren talked to her he looked so happy and in love, every time he said something to her he’d wink, it was clear to see Warren was in love, I’ve been replaced.

It ended up, that I too liked Betty, we talked and laughed I was even thinking about when could we get together next. She is thirteen years my senior but you couldn’t tell she looked and acted liked she was in her mid fifties, this will work. Until she said;

 
“I like to paint.”
“Really oil or water color?”
“Neither I just like to paint.”
“Well what kind of painting?”
“The inside and outside of the house.”
“Your kidding you paint the outside of the house?”
“Yes and the inside.”

I hoping Paul didn’t hear a word, but it got worse.

“I also like working in the yard.”
“Like a vegetable garden?”
“No, plants and flowers, landscaping. I also like working and cleaning out the garage.”
 
OMG, I’ve gone forty-three years without lifting a brush, roller, a shovel, touching dirt and only go into the garage to do the laundry. What is with this woman saying, Paul is listening to every word. Then I heard someone that sounded like me:

 “Shut up!”
“What?”(She’s laughing)
“No, really shut up, are you purposely trying to start something.”
(Still laughing)
“Keep it up and I’ll call you “B” and it won’t stand for Betty.”
(Still laughing).

We turned our conversation to grandkids and our guys, everything fell into place. I gave Warren my stamp of approval, and I hope he doesn’t blow it, she’s definitely a keeper.

The whole situation of Warren and Betty reminded me of two sayings:

If you love something set it free, if it comes back to you it’s yours forever, and go for the happy endings, because life doesn’t have any sequels.

Love Is In The Air

It started off in the air, when my husband handed me a Hoops & Yoyo card. For those of you who are not familiar with Hoops & Yoyo their a pair of animated characters on Hallmark cards that tend to yell and get overly excited. So in the air I open the card to be greeted by these characters talking fast and telling knock knock jokes, in the card my husband wrote Hau Oli La Makuahine Me Ke Aloha Pumeana, which he translated to Just for you with the warmth of my love, or at least that’s what we think means.

So picture this older handsome man with this older plus sized woman with the obnoxious card and seeing him give her a few loving kisses. I’m sure people were thinking maybe their a widow and widower who after all these years found love with each other. Little did they know that we’ve been together since we were fifteen and seventeen, what’s the old saying, “there may be snow on the roof, but there’s still fire in the furnace.” Well let’s just say Paul’s pilot light was on.

During the flight Paul would off and on hold my hand, rub my shoulders and would occasionally give me the smoochie face. While Paul has always been very loving and attentive he was being very touchy feely on the plane, was it just that we were finally alone or was it a ruse to throw everyone off in case I fell into the volcano this was a valid question, after all we’ve been together so long. But then I remembered I’ve always been a hot chick, so I just sat back and enjoyed all the attention.

Once we landed and started out on our little trips it finally dawned on me, all this attention was to make me feel guilty if I started to complain. Paul dragged my sorry ass everywhere and he did it in a way that I couldn’t say anything. Since I’m still using a cane he would drop me off and pick me up at all the entrances. He made sure there was always somewhere that I could sit, yes some would say a perfect gentleman or was he just smarter than me, he wasn’t giving me anything to complain about. Yes, he’s good.

But there was something he couldn’t change the humidity, finally something I could complain about. Humidity is hard on everyone, once you start sweating you’re uncomfortable and it affects everything especially when you’re plus size. My shirt was constantly damp and Paul was looking at me like I was in a wet t-shirt contest, I couldn’t win, this was our second honeymoon and nothing was going to ruin it.

Everyday we took a long drive; we ate in restaurants that received ono’s in the Ultimate Hawaii book. We saw Polynesian dancers, we listened to live slack key guitar and saw a children’s hula show. We saw very few geckos, enjoyed the mongoose at the brewery and on this trip saw no centipedes, we did have a wonderful time.

I know Dana was worried she kept saying she was too old for a new brother or sister, but that didn’t stop me I was still trying to get one of the dancers in my luggage.

Now were back home, my jeans are a little looser from all the sweating but I’m sure by the time I finish my glass of ice water I’ll plump right back up.
A hui hou. (See you later).

Happy Birthday To You, Happy Birthday To Me. (Part Two)

Here it goes, I woke up to my granddaughter on the phone singing happy birthday to me, she is so adorable her ending was happy birthday I love you, then she said I was the sweetest grandma, ever!

My husband smiled and gave me a big happy birthday, I got out of bed and went to take a shower, OMG the towels under the sink are wet. Paul checked it out the hose to the sink leaked so to it’s off to Home Depot. What a way for my day to start.

After my shower, I get a birthday card with a little note from my current boyfriend and lover, watch it, it’s my husband.

My uncle, brother and aunt called to wish me a special day. Al our pool man came around 10:00am and he wasn’t wearing a Speedo so that’s a birthday wish that didn’t come true.

Mom heard us talking and wished me a happy birthday, I was shocked because last year she said nothing, today however she wished she was able to go out shopping to get me something, I asked her if she really wanted to do something nice for me she can be on good behavior all day and not to give me any trouble, she didn’t answer just gave me a smile. I guess that’s another wish that’s not coming my way.

So far Dana’s day was uneventful; she’s not feeling the best and is trying to switch doctors.

Paul left to fix my car, so it’s just me, my mom, Pandora and Spider Solitaire. I thought about making something special for breakfast, too much trouble, Paul switched off the gas on the stove so my mom wouldn’t burn down the house so I guess laziness trumps birthday breakfast.

When I pick up Mackenzie today from school, we’ll make a short stop to buy sketching paper she planned on drawing a family portrait and placing it in a frame, I previously purchased three frames one that says Mommy& Me, another that says Family, then a collage frame that says Mom + Dad = Me, you guessed it she wanted to draw and give her all three.

After an hour and a half of watching Mac draw it was time for our birthday dinner, Grandma #1 (that’s what I call grandma Phyllis) was taking the entire family out to Northwood’s for those who have never heard of it it’s a really nice steak house and I couldn’t believe it as if dinner wasn’t enough she had a very nice gift for us to enjoy in Hawaii. Aloha! Grandma #1.

During dinner my two sons were talking about a recent injury I sustained, it was door knob verses arm and the door knob won. I have been nursing that darn cut for three days, it’s a little red and hurts I jokingly told them it was MRSA they didn’t laugh but started discussing whether I should get prosthesis or hook after my arm falls off. At the same time Dana chimed in that I needed to have it checked ASAP. I explained I have some antibiotics at home and I’ll take some tonight and tomorrow and if it doesn’t get better I’ll go urgent care.

Now that my day is coming to an end, I’m in my PJ’s, drinking some tea, my tank is full and I have a big smile. Most all of my wishes came true, my mom was on cruise control all day, I spent the evening with family, and had a wonderful dinner and maybe next year Al will be wearing that Speedo.

Dana seemed to be feeling better. She loves birthday gifts, Phyllis gave her a beautiful locket that opens like a four leaf clover and holds four pictures. She loved Mac’s portraits, and I think she liked the new games we got her. Chris and her had a game night with friends and got their butt kicked, apparently they’re not smarter than a fifth grader, so their going to bone up on the games.

It was a wonderful birthday. Should I tell you how old us girls are, I think not you’ll just have to figure it out yourself.

What’s Up LA Times?

Okay its time to take on the big boys the “Los Angeles Times.” They recently had an article about children that are watched after school by their grandparents, are more likely to be heavier than children watched by their parents or other daycare providers.
Who in the hell are these people to make such a statement I would like to quote some of what was said but I was so angry I ate the paper.

Now I’m a typical grandparent who provides after school care for my (adorable) granddaughter. My day starts at 3:00 picking her up from school. Now I do feed Mackenzie after school because normally she doesn’t eat all her lunch, she is usually to busy talking or running around. I will admit to feeding her McDonalds, she likes the fish sandwich and apple slices or we go straight home where I make her soup, grilled cheese or she just snacks on fruit dried or fresh or veggies she loves veggies but to be totally honest I will get her an occasional slurpee.

Next we have homework, she so far has a list of about sixty reading words from school. Grandma has an additional list of eighty words she has learned, no slacker grandma here. Now depending on what day it is after homework, it’s either back into the car for cooking class (one day a week) Tae Kon Do (two times a week) T-ball (4 times a week) and dance (one day a week).

Now since she’s older (6 years old) and her parents work for a family business, and their boss whose name also starts with grandma looks the other way so daddy can manage the T-ball team and mommy and grandpa can coach while I maintain my status as locker room attendant and chauffer. Her daddy has been picking her up earlier to take her to Tae Kwon Do since there’s limited seating and it’s just to long of a class for me to stand.

Now on occasion when mom and dad have errands we play beauty shop, doctors, school or volley ball. On a typical week she averages maybe an hour of TV a week under grandma’s watch.

So LA Times you should retract your article because most grandparents now are in their fifties, were not sitting in rockers all day long, heck were probably more active than the person who sat behind the desk for eight hours who wrote the article.

Most grandparents have a vested interest to keep their grandchildren busy, active and out of trouble. I am offended to think that someone would say we sit our grandkids in front of the TV and stuff them all day long.

Maybe your next article should be about grandparents getting heavier since they are always sitting as spectators or chauffeuring their skinny grandkids to and fro.

Snap Out Of It

Ok, let’s get it over with this New Years Resolutions. I wasn’t even going to go do any this year, but I’m weak. I made resolutions to myself; I didn’t tell anyone else so there wouldn’t be any “I told you so”. But for those of you who really know me, I have no shame I will tell you everything. So I waited for January 19th, to publish this entry with my results.

First I need to snap out of it. Being in lockup 24/7, everyday the same thing, the same conversations it’s gotta stop, repetition in my life makes me wonder if I too, suffer from dementia.

Every morning I listen to Pandora (a free internet radio where you create your own personalized station, you enter a song or artist and a station is created just for you playing selections that are musically similar) it’s great. Well anyway I love the sounds of IL Divo and Josh Groban (IL Divo is a multinational operatic pop vocal group, they sing in English, Italian, Spanish, French and Latin, Josh Groban I would classify his music as a pop opera /classical) Anyway every morning I tune in and sing, while playing spider solitaire (I’m addicted).

Well this morning I keyed in something different a new station for the New Year. SANTANA. Yeah you heard me Santana. Now Santana plays a blend of rock, salsa and jazz.

I LOVED IT! Santana singing directly to me and the first song I heard was Black Magic Woman then Evil Ways I loved it, then Bob Marley, Eric Clapton on blues, yikes! Jimi Hendrix. This is so not like me I had to get up and look in the mirror. There I was singing my heart out in some cases up making up my own lyrics. I was so preoccupied with the music I lost seven straight games of spider solitaire.

Yes my blood is circulating, I’m pumped up, I’m alive, alive I say.

Mom came out quietly and had breakfast, I thing she’s a little scared the music, her daughter’s head spinning and singing about evil ways and someone called Black Magic Woman it might have been to much for her.

Second change Spider Solitaire; I’m going to stop resetting the statistics every time I lose. Starting today I will only reset in the morning. I will let my record stand whatever it is for the entire day.

Third, I will be starting a diet as soon as the three pound box of See’s is gone.

Fourth, no more lying about how my diet is going, that’s why I’m not starting until the candy is totally gone. Ok, the candy is now gone, so I’ll start soon.

Fifth, I need a hobby, while I love doing jigsaw puzzles I’m always losing pieces, maybe doing a mosaic, again too many pieces. Painting no talent, writing a blog (humor me) gardening (bugs). I know maybe dancing, in private just me and my music, it could be my version of Sweating to the Oldies (remember Richard Simmons?) It could be dangerous; I could end up knocking myself out trying to keep up with Jimi Hendrix.

Sixth, realize I need a vacation away from my mom, so I’ve started planning already (in my head) for my getaway. Alaska? Hawaii? Mount Rushmore? Anywhere I can afford, I would even settle for San Dimas, Cucamonga, Pasadena or El Monte.

Seventh, I will be more open minded to the Netflix movies my husband orders (this will be explained in a later entry).

Eighth, I will provide my mother shelter, food, water, if she eats, she eats and if she drinks, she drinks it will be her decision.

Nine and Ten, no arguing or hurt feelings, I will close my ears and no longer put value into the hurtful things my mom says.

Results;

I’m still listening to my new music, and considering dreadlocks.

I’m am no longer cheating or altering my statistics on spider solitaire.

Third, the See’s candy is gone and the diet is hit and miss,

Fourth, I’ve started another puzzle, but am planning to dance as soon as my knee stops hurting.

Fifth, I picked up new travel books at the Auto Club.

Sixth I watched another dumb movie (Hangover) with my husband and actually enjoyed it.

Resolution eight, letting my mom make her own decision about eating and drinking hasn’t worked out as well as I hoped she is barely getting enough to survive but as they say, “you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink”

Last but not least, ignoring my mom has worked she has not called me a name, complained or argued in over a week, when it seems like she’s going to lose it I flip the ignore button on and leave the room and now she struggles but manages to keep quiet.

So, Happy but not perfect New Years!

It Ain’t Over Till The Fat Lady Sings

On my last entry, I mentioned it was one of my worst days in a while. Well, “it ain’t over till fat lady sings,” and I’m not singing yet. 

On Monday I took my mom to the doctor’s, all her tests came in, and as expected everything was within range except her vitamin B-12. My mom suffers from pernicious anemia; her symptoms are weakness, feeling tired, lightheadedness, pale, losing weight (eight pounds in the last seven months) depression and dementia. 

During the visit my mom was having difficulty with her ability to understand and stay on track with questions the doctor was asking her. She also would roll her eyes and shrug her shoulders whenever I would speak. She called me a liar when I explained she was not eating, and said I was never home to take care of her. When her doctor questioned why she has not come for her B-12 shots she replied that she was told by him that she no longer needed them. She was then asked why she had lost more weight; she tried to explain that he was wrong she had gained not lost. 

I explained that my doctor was concerned for my health, he agreed that I needed help. I told him that my husband and I were planning to go with our kids to Hawaii for two weeks but that I have been unable to find someone to do my mom’s catheters. He at that point called for a social worker to get involved. He explained the progression of dementia and that I should realize that at some point changes will have to be made. He also prescribed medication that might help with her depression. 

As we were leaving his office, he explained he would be away for three weeks on vacation. I asked if he was going anywhere special, yes he was going to Japan. At that point my mom joined in by saying when she was growing up she had a Japanese neighbor who had eyes like his,(OMG), and her sister when growing up had fat cheeks so even her eyes looked slanted. I just smiled and shook my head, he smiled back, different generation, and in my mom’s case different world.

Two days later, I got a call from our Social Worker, she had arranged for a nurse to come out and evaluate my mom; she would be there later that day. Soon after I received a call from the nurse, she scheduled us between one and two. 

The nurse was wonderful, her voice and demeanor was so caring, I instantly felt relaxed, we talked for about twenty minutes, and then I brought in my mom. She made some small talk and when my mom felt comfortable started asking questions.
 
“How old are you.”
“Eighty seven.”
“What year is it?”
“Nineteen eighty-eight.”
“How long were you married?”
“Eighty years.”
“What month is it?”
“October.”
“What day is it?”
“Saturday.”
“What is the date?”
“I don’t know.”
“Who is the President of the United States?”
“Oh, I know this one; it’s on the tip of my tongue.”
“His first name starts with a B.”
“It’s on the tip of my tongue.”
“It’s Barack.”   
“Oh yeah, Barackus,”
“Do you know his last name?”
“It’s on the tip of my tongue.”
“It’s starts with an O.”
“Oh, I remember its Barackus Overstreet.”

Every answer was wrong. 

“Mom, you need to watch the news, read the paper and talk so you can keep up to date with everything.”
“I am up to date.”
“Mom, all the questions she asked, you got wrong.”
“I knew the answers; I just didn’t want to tell her.”
“Keep playing that game, you’ll find yourself in a home.” 

Its evident today was not going to be a good one. The nurse said she would come back next week. She wants me to concentrate more on her caloric intake then protein. So my mission is to feed her fifteen hundred calories a day. Shoot that should be easy, I can do fifteen hundred by lunch. But, with my mom let’s just say Mission Impossible, I’ve been able to get her up to thirteen hundred, then she stops, she cannot or will not eat anymore. 

“Mom, you need to eat, if you lose more weight, you’ll have to go to the home so you can get proper nourishment.”
“I don’t have to do anything, or eat anything I don’t want to.”
“Mom, you’re losing it.”
“You think I’m losing it, maybe your losing it.”

Maybe.


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