Archive for the 'Stress' Category

I’m Back

I haven’t had a real bout of depression since my post back in November 2008 titled Depression. Every November it seems like I struggle around my dad’s birthday then add the holidays, while my grief is better I just miss him terribly.

This time however my depression was different, it lasted longer.

Taking care of my aunt for the last two years had started to take a toll on me. I could no longer do the 150 miles round trip two to three times a week to deal with her issues. Every day she was either upset, arguing with someone, dying or depressed. I was physically and emotionally exhausted. I now recognize I had become codependent. I found myself adapting or ignoring her behaviors which allowed me to be involved in fewer of her conflicts.

Then you toss in my mom. I felt like there was a contract out on me and they were the hit men.

I started experiencing anxiety and a rapid heartbeat. I was stressed and on the verge of tears all the time. My family was in protect mode.

But, like I said this time was different, I realized I needed to change. I started to prioritize everything that I was dealing with. I needed to make a decision what I could deal with. Changes had to be made.

I am no longer taking care of my aunt, I can no longer ride an emotional roller coaster and deal with someone’s problems if that person is not willing to see themselves and meet me halfway. While I miss her I realize she needs to seek help, I cannot do it for her. With just this one change in the last six months I have not had a problem with anxiety attacks or rapid heartbeat.

In May I placed my mom in respite care of eight days. EIGHT DAYS of not being responsible for meals, exercise, bathing, incontinence, EIGHT DAYS of not hearing the same questions a zillion times, and the biggie EIGHT DAYS of not being insulted. I called that one week Cinco de Mayo, because it gave this Mexican independence.

I would like to say my husband and I enjoyed those eight days catching up with friends; unfortunately it was spent redoing my mom’s bedroom. We redid her ceiling; crown molding, painting, hung new pictures, new bedspread the works. When she came home she was surprised and happy, her happiness lasted two days.

It’s still rough, she still makes me cry, but when she was gone I did miss her.

I have learned the meaning of “Don’t bite off more than you can chew.” I am now being selective agreeing only to take on responsibilities that I know I can handle.

I’m back and have a lot to tell you about, my white haired stalker, my two granddaughters, my husband, kids, Christmas…

I will post soon and try to post every few days, so hold on the rides about to begin…..


Back in the Day

Love me? Add me!

Lookie Loos

  • 14,482 visits to my amazingly great blog of epic proportions.
August 2017
S M T W T F S
« Jul    
 12345
6789101112
13141516171819
20212223242526
2728293031