Pinch Me I Must Be Dreaming

Operation Mom’s Gotta Go has been in progress for six weeks. I can’t believe it, in all that time she hasn’t called me one bad name or said No one asked you to come here and take care of me, just leave and don’t come back. Please someone pinch me to see if I’m dreaming.

Now, don’t get me wrong, she hasn’t been perfect.

I still hear, “You look and act like your Grandmother [on my Dad’s side] and no one liked her either.”

“You have no friends.” This is kinda true. Besides my husband and kids, I only have 2 BFs, I believe in one’s life you have very few true friends, but a lot of acquaintances.

“You’re not a doctor.” True, but I have been known to dress up like a nurse. Sorry, honey.

“You’re not a good cook.” Also true. I guess I’m heavy from swallowing air.

I can deal with things like that. It’s the names and get out I don’t want or need you here that get to me.

Well, let’s face it. I know the family is right – we should still send her to a retirement home for a month (while we fix her room and bathroom) just to let her know we really mean business. But, she is trying.

I keep asking myself, am I against it because she’s my mom and I love her, am I still waiting for her approval, or is it that I can’t send her where she can affect the innocent at the retirement community?

While she is still under the impression that she’s going (I told her a deposit has been paid, but they have no vacancies), she needs to keep eating one nutritious meal daily (which she has done), and walking outside every other day for exercise (which she has not done).

You may be asking, why is she falling for the retirement bit?

Two days ago I went into her bathroom with a pry bar and hammer.

“What are you doing?”
“I’m tearing down your bathroom.” Now keep in mind she has a tub with a shower in there. For the last 40 years, my Dad and Mom never climb into the tub to take a shower, they used the stall shower in the other bathroom. So, I started to take down the tile.

“Why are you doing this?”
“I’m getting the house ready to sell, if you keep doing good with eating and exercising you can stay here until we sell. If not, you have to go to the home so they can better deal with your nutrition issues.”

Then I got out the measuring tape and measured the height of the commode. (She has a six inch booster seat so she doesn’t have to lower herself too far.)

“Why are you measuring the toilet?”
“When we have an open house it will look better to have a handicap comfort height seat instead of The Donut.”

After a while, I tried to explain: three adults? one shower and commode? She knows no one will sit on her booster seat. So both bathrooms are getting a makeover so they can be used by everyone.

“I’m very happy the way things are. We do not need to redo the bathrooms.”
“Mom, you have your own commode. Everybody from family to guests have to share the other one. You, us, family, and guests have to take turns using the same shower. Not acceptable. It’s not all about you. We are a family. Paul and I have left our home to help you. It’s not too much to ask for two working bathrooms.”

“No one asked you to come and… what kind of shower will it be?” Aah, caught herself mid-sentence. So no one can tell me she doesn’t know what she’s saying. The fact is, she is coherent enough not to cause any waves the last six weeks and catch herself from finishing that sentence.

Some of you may be asking, how hard could it be to share a bathroom? Picture this: one 3×3 shower stall, three different bath soaps, three different shampoos, and one bath chair for my mom. I slipped while taking a shower yesterday and didn’t even hit the floor, it’s that tight.

When my BF (Nancy) stayed with us, it took two hours and forty-five minutes just for showers. We are used to having three bathrooms; all of us could have been done at the same time.

Maybe we will decide to put in an elevator at our house and call it a day.

A little note: my BF Nancy is having surgery next Friday to remove her gallbladder. Everybody pray for a speedy recovery (you know it takes longer for the elderly to rebound after surgery). JUST KIDDING, Nancy! You know I love you. I will do my next blog in a few days especially for her.


2 Responses to “Pinch Me I Must Be Dreaming”

  1. 1 Renee December 4, 2008 at 11:23 pm

    I hope this post was designed to make me laugh, because I that’s what I did. What a sense of humor you have! I’ve recently been asked to speak to a local caregivers support group about how to cope with feelings of guilt and changes in lifestyle associated with caregiving. May I quote some of your gems? Keep up your sense of humor–I find it’s the best way to get through these demanding situations. I’d also like to suggest that you contribute from your writing expertise at a website for caregivers called care2tell (I’m the moderator)–a place to share experiences in short anecdotal form in the world of caregiving. I hope you’ll visit the site and find it a worthwhile place to drop in and read and share with others. You can reach it at
    All the best.

  2. 2 Nancy December 13, 2008 at 1:35 pm


    First I’d like to thank you for your comment. I’m flattered that you would like to quote some on my entries. Please feel free to do so. I find that writing helps me keep my sanity. I did visit care2tell, what a wonderful site. Every entry I read was inspirational. I tend to see my writings as a crazy woman trying to hold on. I will be dropping in to read and hopefully post on your site soon.


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