Why I Hate to Shop

Today, Moo (aka Muriel, my daughter of 9 months) sent me a photo slideshow of their wedding last November. When I looked at the video, and their pictures, I was in awe that she and my son planned it all. Every minute detail, from flowers to dress, from music to food.

All that I needed to do was buy an outfit.

Ok, no problem. This wasn’t a surprise wedding, we were looking forward to it for over 2 years.

Well, I’m going to tell you how hard it was to find that perfect dress. First, like any other plus-size gal, we wait for the last minute to start a diet. We lose only a few pounds, so we delay. Because in our minds, we can drop a few dress sizes in 2 months. Once reality hits, the panic starts.

I went to Macy’s, Lowman’s, and a few other regular retail stores. They all have women’s and plus sizes. Nothing really catches my eye, but there were a few nice styles. I figured, if the styles look good, then I can look for the color that suited me.

I take a few items into the dressing room. I have the first dress half way over my head when panic hits. I AM NOW STUCK IN THE DRESS. For those of you who are thinking, how can anyone get stuck in a dress, trust me, it can and does happen. I’ve got my arms straight up, the dress will not go down, and I’m unable to pull it off. Where’s my daughter Dana? I’ll call her to my rescue, but I can’t reach the cell phone. I start struggling. I’m in a dressing room that seems like it’s 3′ x 3′, my arms are in the air, and I’m hitting the walls. Then I hear this voice.

“Do you need any help?”
“Do I need any help? CALL 911! Get the Jaws of Life out here!”

I simply replied that everything is fine and finally wiggle out of the dress. I’m exhausted.

I call my Dana, she’ll help. She directs me to plus-size stores and specialty stores online that carry Mother of the Groom dresses. The plus-size stores she referred had dresses that fit, but I couldn’t find that special one.

And then, eureka! I found the perfect website with the perfect dress: a tea length, beaded dress in blue, my favorite color. I ordered it in 2 sizes to ensure I got the best fit. I then found another dress online at Nordstrom’s (in chocolate) so I sent for that one too.

The beaded dress arrived. One was too large, while the other fit, but the beading was tight around my hips. I started to envision sitting down and beads popping and flying everywhere, so I waited for the dress from Nordstrom’s.

Now remember the dress from Nordstrom’s is in chocolate, not my first choice of color. (All the small-sized dresses came in colors like leaf, shadow, eucalyptus, rose, and jade. The color choices in plus-size were plum, eggplant, cocoa, grape, wine, and chocolate. See a pattern, anyone?) The dress had a full skirt in satin, with a tank top and jacket in crepe and beading around the edges. When I put it on, it reminded me of the flying monkeys on the Wizard of Oz with their little jackets. But, it was beautiful. It was the perfect dress, full skirt and all.

Now, the shoes were not an easy task to find. 9 ½ in chocolate? But I found a perfect match. The shoes cost $198.00 and the dress cost $178.00. But, the girls pointed out that since my dress was full, you couldn’t see my shoes, so I found another pair for $65.00.

Alas, I thought the dress needed hemming. I called Nordstrom’s and they can have my dress hemmed today, but I have to get there this morning. I’m stressing. I get to Nordstrom’s, go into the dressing room, pull my pants down, and surprise! No panties. I’m looking in my pants thinking I pulled them down, nope. No panties. I was so stressed, I FORGOT TO PUT UNDERWEAR ON.

I come out and step on a platform before three full length mirrors, I start sweating, thinking she’ll pick up my dress and there I’ll be in 3-D. She looks at the dress, shoes, touches the hem, and says, “perfect fit! no hemming needed.” Thank God!

The wedding, the day, the couple, the family, and the dress – all perfect.


1 Response to “Why I Hate to Shop”

  1. 1 Barbara April 14, 2010 at 9:08 am

    “I’m looking in my pants thinking I pulled them down, nope. No panties.”

    HAHAHAHAHAAHAAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Too damn funny!!!!

    Glad all was a success, though, in the end. 🙂

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