Mom’s Dietary Commentary

Two questions, three words each, that you will never hear come out of my mouth. But, I hear them every day.

“Did I eat?”

Now really, I can’t imagine saying that without laughing or ending it differently. Like, did I eat in the last hour? Or did I eat it all? I can’t understand someone just asking, “did I eat?”

If I ever felt that I needed to ask such a dumb question, I would look down at my blouse to see if there were crumbs or stains. Then I would have the answer before embarrassing myself.

I’m not hungry? Come on now, are we suppose to wait until we have hunger pains or feel faint? The only way I can explain it is, do you wait until your car sputters and stalls before filling the empty tank? Hell no, you keep gas in the tank (or at least some of us try). Well, I’m not waiting until I sputter and stall. If you don’t understand what I’m trying to say, please reread.

Now for those of you who are judging me, thinking I’m so mean and what must my mother be going through? After all, she is elderly. Keep reading.

“Did I eat?”
“No, you haven’t, and it’s lunch time.”
“I’m not hungry.”
“Then, why are you looking in the refrigerator asking if you ate?”
“I’m just asking.”
“Do you want something to eat?”
“Yes, do we have something sweet?  Cookies or sweet bread?”
“Mom, its lunch.”

“Mom, here’s some wild salmon (4 oz.), rice (2 tbsp.), and six baby carrots.”
“I can’t eat it all.”
“I’m not asking you to eat it all, eat what you can.”
“You know I can’t eat like you people. That’s why you’re all heavy. I eat one small meal and then I ‘pick’ all day long.”
“Whatever, Mom.”
“Well it’s true, I’ve always been thin. The rest of you aren’t.”
“I’ll be back for the plate when you’re done.”
“I’ll eat what I can and later I’ll have something sweet, then tonight a root beer float or a Drumstick (ice cream) before going to bed.”

Well, there’s one Drumstick left and this heavy person feels like she’s sputtering.


4 Responses to “Mom’s Dietary Commentary”

  1. 1 Gina August 9, 2008 at 4:34 pm

    May the drumstick be a pleasure! I remember them from my childhood and they were total fun 🙂

  2. 2 froggylove August 9, 2008 at 4:38 pm

    I read this to my husband and we were both laughing. I can tell you we are never sputtering. Ever. If it was my house there would be NO drumsticks left. And salmon, rice and carrots. Seriously? That would be a light snack. *As I look down, I can see I had some chicken and ice cream a few moments ago. There is proof on my shirt.*

  3. 3 AlexM August 12, 2008 at 7:00 am

    I found your site on technorati and read a few of your other posts. Keep up the good work. I just added your RSS feed to my Google News Reader. Looking forward to reading more from you down the road!

  4. 4 AlexM August 14, 2008 at 3:32 am

    Your blog is interesting!

    Keep up the good work!

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