Super Bowl XLIV or Who Are You Who, Who?

Let me start out by saying I have never watched a Super Bowl, but today I sat down with my husband and caught the half time performance. I wanted to see what everyone talks about, you know the stories that you hear every year; the show was fantastic or incredible.

Well I didn’t hear who the singing entertainment was, but there on stage were these two old men. I recognized the songs as being sung originally by the Who, but these two old guys were horrible. But once I heard the song that plays on CSI Las Vegas, “Who are you? Who, who, who, who? I told my husband OMG check Google and see if it was indeed the Who. Well it was, and if you asked me they should now be billed as “The Believe It Or Not’s.” or “The Who are you, Who, Who?” It was so horrible I couldn’t walk away or turn the TV off it was like watching a train wreck.

Now the half time shows costs millions, and everyone that put the show together should be paid, I repeat everyone should be paid by the “Who” or “the person that hired them”.

Now I think it’s great that two baby boomers were able to market themselves well enough to get the spot, but these two guys (who out of respect to their families will remain nameless in my entry) had the presence of mind in 1982 to have their first farewell tour. While some groups after farewell tours do keep putting out albums the Who as far as I know haven’t release an album in a few years.

Well, apparently farewell doesn’t really mean farewell, since the “Who” will be releasing a new album the “greatest hits” and an upcoming tour. (I only pray they do a Milli Vanilli and lip sync to the music of their younger years).

So if they and others can say farewell and come back, so can my mini skirt.

How To Kill Yourself In Two Easy Steps

Sorry that I’ve been MIA but my knee went out and I went down for the count. Usually when this happens it takes about four days to be up again, but this time it’s different. It’s been a week and I still can’t walk, there’s no pain until I stand, it’s almost as if my brain subconsciously has a conversation with my knee;

“Where in the hell are you going?”
“I just need to get up.”
“Is it worth the pain I’ll be sending down to remind you something’s wrong.”
“No not really.”
“Do you really need to go to the bathroom or should you try to hold it a little longer?”
“I’ll hold it.”
“Is getting up to eat something worth it?”
“NO.” (In fact I wasn’t eating because I couldn’t get to the kitchen).

I have a problem and I need a solution, finally the answer came to me, my dad’s walker and cane.

Now we’ve all seen the elderly using walkers, so it should be an easy solution. I figured I could use the walker to take some weight off my knee so I would experience less pain when walking.

Well there must be a secret class that the elderly take to learn how to use the walker without looking like a total spastic.

I could’ve killed myself. The walker has two wheels in front and legs in the back. My first mistake was trying to walk quietly (now I know why tennis balls are placed on the back legs) it sounded as if an RTD bus was making a fast stop in the dining room I was even leaving skid marks, so I decided instead of gliding like a gazelle I would pick the walker up place it one step ahead of me and walk into it. Well, since there’s warning sticker like on the visor in the car, I had to learn the hard way, put the legs down first not the wheels. Thank goodness the island in the kitchen stopped me and the walker before I became airborne.

Another mistake when you have to go, go. If you need to use the walker you’ll be walking much slower and if there’s a obstacle in the way (like the walker is wider than the bathroom door and your big ass and the walker have to go in sideways you just might and I repeat you just might not make it.).

So, instead of the walker I’ve decided to use the cane.

There is an art to using the cane you just can’t put it in your hand and miraculously know how to walk.

My first mistake was using the cane on the side of my injured leg. Second I was placing the cane out in front and walking towards it, both were wrong. Believe it or not I had to Google “How to use a cane.”

Here’s what I found; you have to hold the cane in the hand opposite the affected side so it can provide support to the affected leg. Advance the cane simultaneously with the affected leg. Lean your weight through the arm holding the cane as needed. Ok, for some reason I cannot hold the cane in my left hand and move it the same time that I move my right leg, I’m uncoordinated it’s just too hard.

So I kept Googling, and found out that 47,000 elderly are hurt in walker and cane mishaps every year. So in order to avoid being 47,001 I decided to take another route.

When I need to get around I hang onto the furniture, walls and anyone going in the same direction I want to go and its been working out fine, other than that I’ve been in bed.

Thanks to my son Chris bringing me some meds that will help with the pain and swelling I’m on the road to recovery and I’m doing much better, In fact I’m sitting in front of my computer going through fifty gazillion emails (thanks Roy) that are cheering me up.

So pray the meds keep working, it’s much better to be on the road to recovery than laying in the middle of the road praying for a fast ending.

Netflix

We’ve been using Netflix for at least six years. It is wonderful, for those of you who have never heard of it, it’s an online rental service for DVD’s through the mail. We order a movie online usually get it next day, watch it, and mail it back in its own postage paid envelope then the next movie in our queue is sent, our package allows for three DVD’s at a time. All this for $16.95 a month.

The only problem is my husband has set up a queue of movies that he thinks we would enjoy. Now keep in mind that Netflix has all the major movies as well as the not so major or who the hell even thought that anyone would even want to see this type of movie and guess where my husband always goes, for the what in the hell is this movie.

Now, first I’ll give him credit, we seen great movies like August Rush, Star Trek, Slumdog Millionaire, Australia and The Education of Little Tree.

The problem is movies like August Evening, good title so he rented it. We started watching it in Spanish; he restarted it to flip it into English, no can do so my husband figures it starts out in Spanish and then goes into English. Well anyway it’s about an undocumented worker on a chicken farm in Texas who with his (widowed) daughter in law tries to keep the family together. Well its taking place on a chicken farm, their not going to school so why is my husband assuming that at some point their going to start speaking in English. Thank goodness after 20 minutes he got the hint and I got to hit the ejecto button.

Soupy Sales wouldn’t watch him when I was younger so sure as heck I won’t watch him now.

Running with Scissors, this movie is about a woman (crazy lesbian) who decides that her adolescent son should be raised by unconventional (a sicko) psychiatrist. Halfway through this movie I wanted to run with scissors just to get it over with.

Is Anybody There? This one’s about a ten year old being raised in a nursing home run by his parents. Ok, its hard for me taking care of my eighty-five year old mother, how depressing to watch this poor ten year old living in a nursing home environment, I found myself yelling at the TV for him to run away.

Big Man Japan, a second rate-third generation superhero (Hitoshi Matsumoto) who causes noise and destruction on the job. After seeing this movie I wanted to close the border. If you want to see something like this movie only better watch Hancock with Will Smith.

Nacho Libre, the main character is named Ignacio he works as a cook in a Mexican monastery where he grew up, he tries to help the orphanage financially by disguising himself and joining a professional wrestling circuit. Totally ridiculous, my husband loved it but I guess he’s used to having a chubby, masked Mexican (me) running around.

Now both of us like biblical movies, and let’s face it Ben Hur, Ten Commandments, all the oldies, well by husband rented Moses starring Ben Kingsley. This is a different version of the old Ten Commandments starring Charleston Heston. Watching Ben Kingsley in the role of Moses was like watching Gabe Kaplan trying to free the people in the Bronx. I really tried to enjoy this one but no can do.

Well I need to remember this year’s resolution, keep an open mind to the ridiculous.